" HOPE FLOATS "

HER VOICE ECHOS IN MY EAR AT NIGHTS...

AS IF SHE'S TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

PERHAPS ITS JUST ME WISHING SHE WAS HERE, TALKING TO ME THE WAY SHE USED TO DO.

I WISH THAT I COULD REMEMBER HER THE WAY SHE WAS BEFORE SHE GOT SICK AND NOT HAVE THESE IMAGES IN MY HEAD OF WHEN SHE WAS DYING...

I CRY AT TIMES OUT OF ANGER AND ALTHOUGH ITS NOT A GOOD THING TO WANT TO ADMIT ITS ANGER TOWARDS GOD..

HE HAS NO FAULT IM VERY WELL AWARE OF THAT, AND ID PROBABLY NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY HE ALLOWED MY MOTHER TO SUFFER THAT WAY OR EVEN WHY SHE DIED UNTIL THE DAY WE SEE HIM FACE TO FACE ONE DAY.

THATS EVEN IF IM LUCKY ENOUGH TO GO TO HEAVEN.

I HATE WHO IVE BECOME AND WHERE IM GOING TO END UP.

I HAVE NO DESIRE IN ME TO SERVE GOD AT ALL NOR AM I REMORSEFUL OF IT.

THATS TOO FAR THAT SIN DOESNT EVEN FEEL LIKE SIN ANYMORE...

IVE BEEN GETTING SICK ONCE AGAIN BUT I KNOW ITS THAT IM GETTING SICK OF SIN..... ITS ALL MY FAULT I KNOW.

THERES NO ONE TO BLAME BUT ME.

THERES SO MANY THINGS ID LIKE TO ACCOMPLISH FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, BUT FEAR OFTEN STOPS ME AND I HATE THAT TOO.

I WROTE DOWN ALL THE THINGS ID LIKE TO DO BEFORE I DIE.

HOPEFULLY ONE DAY I KICK FEAR DEAD IN ITS GUT AND SEE MYSELF SOAR WITHOUT HOLDING THE HAND OF FEAR....

MY HOPE STILL FLOATS.....