IF I COULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT MY LIFE THE TITLE ABOVE WILL FIT PERFECTLY TO IT.. BITTER SWEET

I SOMETIMES WONDER WHY MY MOTHER CHOSE TO NAME ME THE WAY SHE DID.

DID SHE REALLY LIKE THAT NAME OR DID SHE FEEL PAIN IN HER LIFE FOR REAL?

ITS A QUESTION THAT WILL REMAIN UNANSWERED FOR NOW.

MY LIFE HAS BEEN BITTER SWEET...MORE BITTER THAN SWEET THAT IS.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE I WOULD PRETTY MUCH GET ALL THAT I WANTED FROM MY PARENTS.

EVEN NOW I STILL DO GET SPOILED AT TIMES BY MY DAD.

BUT EVER SINCE MY MOM PASSED AWAY SO MANY THINGS HAVE CHANGED INCLUDING MY FATHER... MANY SAY THAT HOW HE IS ACTING IS A WAY OF COPING WITH MY MOTHER'S DEATH.

I HIGHLY DISAGREE.....

I KNOW THAT SADNESS AT TIMES CAUSES FRUSTRATION AND FRUSTRATION CAUSES ANGER TO RISE INSIDE, BUT IM BAFFLED AT HOW DEPRESSION COULD MAKE SOMEONE SO BITTER TO THE POINT THAT THE PERSON IS INTOLERABLE.

MY FATHER COULD BE THE SWEETEST MAN IF HE WANTED TO BUT HE CHOOSES NOT TO AND I WONDER WHY?

I UNDERSTAND HE HAS LOST THE ONE PERSON WHO ACCEPTED HIM WITH ALL HIS FLAWS BUT HE HAS TURNED INTO THE MOST SOUREST OF A MAN...

GOD GAVE US FREE WILL MEANING WE HAVE THE CHOICE!

THE CHOICE TO SERVE OR NOT TO SERVE

THE CHOICE TO LOVE OR THE CHOICE TO HATE ETC....

BUT WE BEING HUMAN LIKE TO TAKE THE HEAVY LOADS ON US AND REBEL WITH WHO WE CAN BE.

IM GUILTY OF IT DONT GET ME WRONG BUT SOMETIMES THE WEIGHT OF TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HIM GETS SO HEAVY I MUCH RATHER GIVE UP ON HIM.

BUT WOULD GOD GIVE UP ON ME??

I THINK NOT SO WHO AM I TO GIVE UP ON HIM?

IM THE ONE WHO HAS TO ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE ESPECIALLY MY DAD!

ITS A BITTER SWEET FEELING INSIDE OF ME!