?????????

I FEEL LIKE A SCRATCHED RECORD AT TIMES REPEATING MY SELF OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND DID I MENTION I REPEAT MYSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN??!

IVE COME TO REALIZE NOW THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE NEVER GOING TO CHANGE NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY PROMISE YOU THAT THEY WILL..

I TRY TO GIVE THIS ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT EVERYTIME BUT IT SEEMS POINTLESS.

THEY STILL LIE IN MY FACE AND SEEM TO BE OKAY WITH IT.

THEY SAY THAT THEY CARE, THEY SAY THAT THEY LOVE ME, THAT THEY WANT TO CHANGE ETC... BUT THEIR ACTIONS SHOW OTHERWISE.

I CANT HELP SOMEONE WHO DOESNT REALLY WANT TO BE HELPED.

EVEN IF IT SOUNDS LIKE THERES SINCERITY IN THEIR PROMISES OR EVEN THOUGH THEIR TEARS RUN DOWN THEIR FACE I STILL THINK THEY LIE TO ME.

I NOW EVEN THINK ITS NOTTHAT PERSON WHO NEEDS HELP ITS ME!

FOR LETTING THAT ONE PERSON TAKE A TOLL ON ME THAT WAY.

I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO BUT THE LOVE THAT I HAVE FOR THAT PERSON DOESNT LET ME LEAVE...

I KNOW THAT IM ONLY HURTING MYSELF BUT AS SILLY AS IT SOUNDS ID RATHER HURT MYSELF THAN HURT THAT PERSON WHOM I LOVE EVEN THOUGH THEY DONT DESERVE IT AT ALL.

AND WHO AM I TO SAY WHAT PEOPLE DESERVE OR WHAT THEY DONT?

IM NOT GOD!!!!

BUT I KNOW ITS ALL MY FAULT AND NOBODY ELSES.... AND EVEN THOUGH IM CARRYING EVERYONES BURDEN ON ME AND ITS WEIGHING ME DOWN ITS MY CHOICE TO PROCEED WITH IT...

MY NIGHTS HAVE BECOME COLDER AND MY EYES GET PUFFY AS I SLEEP ON WET PILLOWS THINKING TO MYSELF.....

THE SAME LOVE THAT MAKES ME LAUGH

MAKES ME CRY.......