" RETROSPECTIVE OF LIFE "

2010 Ahhhh yes its recorded in my journal as the worst year of my life!

why? for numerous reasons...

#1 The death of my impeccable mother

#2 The death of one of my favorite cousin's and

#3 The realization of who people really are and what they mean to me.

Those are just 3 major reasons because if i was to write them all down I'll probably exceed my limit of 500 blogs! ( Greedy Blogspot )

Yeah its that many......

I recall someone once telling me that i was a pessimist and i got so defensive when they said that to me because they said what i never wanted to hear someone say about me.

As hard as it was for me to admit it I finally did. I would argue with this person and deny that i was not who they were claiming me to be, but now that ive admit it to myself and others i feel a hell of alot better and ive become optimistic of certain things that i would not normally be of.

It feels weird but im not complaining. I guess admitting the truth has set me free...

which proves God's word to be true by the way.

I never had a problem admitting things at all, but since my mother passed away I felt the need to portray this amazingly strong woman to people so that they wouldnt think that i was weak.

Why did i want people to think that way of me?

I truly have no clue whatsoever!

I could say this though it was a stupid decision to make. I would find myself crying my entire heart out at nights and almost gagging about to pass out of how much and how hard i would cry.

I know i will never get over the death of my mother because it impacted me in such a huge way and of course its natural to feel that way because she was my mother...

It still hurts to remember her and other things that went on this past year and it will always will i know that for sure.

My life has always been an emotional rollercoaster thats why i constantly say i live up to my name which is Dolores aka pain.

I have to admit that some of the things that i go through are only because i choose to go through them.. I really could save myself the heartache but the rush that it gives me has become a feel good factor for me. Yes its a sad thing to say.. But we all have some weird habits to break!

Anywho this year when i look back at the end of the year i would for once like to say 2011 was one heck of a year and scream at the top of my lungs..

" IT WAS THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!!!! "

( Just this once plz GOD! )